Tonight, my mom came in my room asking me how much money I needed for school tomorrow.

Mom: How much money do you need for school tomorrow?
Me: Five bucks should be fine.
Mom: What about the last payment for your choir trip?
Me: Why should the one not going be the only one to ever get their trip money in on time?
Mom: True. But do you still have hope?
Me: What hope? I sent my teacher a 1+ page e-mail explaining to her what was going on and all she replied back was 4 words, “Sorry, I will not reconsider.”
Mom: Thats okay, this is obviously a sign from God showing that something might have happened to you if you went on the trip.

 

I don’t even know what to do. I have no hope, whatsoever, with anything anymore. The choir competition trip had to be my breaking point. It makes me wonder why I am even still in regular school. I could just be in Adult Education and get school done with a few months earlier and then I wouldn’t have to deal with all this shit anymore. I love how it had to be one of my other teachers, on the phone with me, to make me change my mind about leaving my current high school. I just don’t want to have to be sitting in choir, every single day for the next few months, knowing that everything I am doing right now, I won’t be able to preform. Its pretty depressing. I have done so much for my choir teacher over the years. She even ruined on of my birthdays. I know I have put myself in this situation. But I wish that my grades weren’t the only factor. 

Hopeless

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