Within the past few weeks, I have grown a lot as a person. Am I an adult yet? No, I am not even close though by law I am legally an Adult. I don’t see myself as being an adult yet. I wonder how life works after High School. Will I just start acting the way I should and make the right decisions?

Today while taking a shower, I came to the conclusion that College is the building block of most successful lives. I guess you could say building years for most successful lives though. But no matter what, it takes hard work to become successful. Though sometimes I can’t tell hard work and not trying hard apart.

For instance, I feel as if I try hard in some areas in my life but I am really not. But in others I am not trying hard enough and I feel as if I am. I am just starting to figure things out in life that I wish I would have figured out sooner. Yeah, it was just High School that I messed up but it is what matters to me right now. I know that I could fix most if not all that I have done in the future with hard work at something called determination that I clearly don’t have. Even though that thought is stuck in the back of my head. I feel as if I am stuck here living in my mistakes and I have no way out for the time being.

I try to just let my mistakes pass so I could do what I need to do now, but it seems that they are holding me back, retarding my ability to reach my full potential. I have a feeling that I have not even reached anywhere near that though.

I have always been the type of person to worry about my future more then what is going in present time. Thus making it hard for me to focus about what I need to do to get to where I want to go. I guess ever since seeing my brother make even bigger mistakes then I have made so far in my high school career. They kept on saying don’t be like your bother. Knowing what position in life that he is in right now, I found myself always thinking about what I want to do in life and what I want to be and where. But not HOW I am going to get there.

I know that in three short months, I will be hopefully graduating from High School. My second step to adulthood. From there I guess I am go start working full time then start attending college in the Fall. I get asked all the time if I could cut it in college because I am barely able to in just High School. What am I supposed to say to that? No, I cannot cut it in College, I just want to go there so I can waste my money just for some college counselor to tell me to go get a job working at McDonalds. 

I hate the negativity that I get from my family so much sometimes. Even though I do get a lot of encouragement now, I equally receive the negative from them. I know they are not trying to hurt me or be mean. They just want what’s best for me and trust me, I do too!

I have a few colleges in mind that I would like to goto. From the beginning I told myself I wanted to goto University of Nevada, Las Vegas [UNLV]. Then I started to venture off to other schools like, University of Nevada, Reno, Northwestern in Illinois, Chapman or USC in California, and Neumont University in Utah. Then reality hit me and I realized that I would never even get accepted to any of these schools. So, I am already enrolled in a Junior College here in town called College of Southern Nevada [CSN], formally known as CCSN [Community College of Southern Nevada].

But then last Friday, I took a private Campus tour of UNLV with my Ladyfriend, Her Mom, and our Friend. I fell in love with the campus and didn’t want to leave. I knew that this is what I wanted right after High School. I know I could fight my way and probably get into UNLV. But with these hard economic time. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just goto CSN and get my Core Classes over with then Transfer to a different college like UNLV? I know that if I goto CSN, I could start taking more than just my core classes during my first two years of College. But is it what I really want?

I want the whole College Campus life. I mean I guess CSN has that too. I guess I just need to go visit the campus and see what they have to offer. I just like feeling you get when you are at UNLV.   Well, I would love to further this entry but I have to finish my homework. I have a long few months ahead of me. :]